Handling criticism from our partner can be tough, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like control. When someone says You’re too controlling, our first instinct might be to get defensive and respond with something like I’m not controlling, I just care about what happens! But let’s take a step back and consider a more effective approach.

Responding to criticism without getting defensive requires empathy, self-awareness, and effective communication. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this situation:

Acknowledge their feelings

When your partner expresses their concern about your controlling behavior, try to understand where they’re coming from. Acknowledge their feelings and show that you’re willing to listen.

I can see why you might think that, and I appreciate you sharing your concerns with me.

I understand that my behavior can sometimes come across as controlling, and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.

Ask clarifying questions

Seek clarification on what specific behaviors your partner is referring to. This shows that you’re interested in understanding their perspective and willing to make changes.

Can you give me some examples of when you felt like I was being too controlling?

How did my actions make you feel in that situation?

Reflect on your behavior

Take a moment to reflect on your behavior and consider whether there’s any truth to your partner’s concerns. Be honest with yourself, and if you realize that you have been controlling, own up to it.

You know what, I think I might have been a bit too pushy in that situation. I’ll try to work on that in the future.

I realize now that I was trying to micromanage the situation, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’ll make sure to give you more space in the future.

Offer alternatives

Work together to find alternative solutions that make both parties feel comfortable. This shows that you’re willing to compromise and find a mutually beneficial solution.

Instead of me taking charge of the planning, why don’t we work together to decide on the details?

I understand that you want more control over the decision-making process. Let’s find a way to make joint decisions that work for both of us.

Show appreciation for their feedback

Finally, express gratitude for your partner’s feedback and let them know that you value their input. This helps to build trust and shows that you’re committed to growth and improvement.

Thanks for being honest with me about how my behavior was affecting you. I really appreciate your feedback and will work on being more aware of my actions in the future.

I’m glad we could have this conversation. Your feedback is really helpful in making our relationship stronger.

By following these strategies, you can respond to criticism without getting defensive and work towards building a healthier, more equal partnership.

Remember, effective communication is key to any successful relationship. By being open to feedback, willing to listen, and committed to growth, you can turn a potentially negative conversation into a positive opportunity for growth and improvement.

Be kind ❤