As parents, we’ve all been there – receiving that dreaded phone call from the principal’s office or the police station, informing us that our teenager has gotten into trouble with the law. It’s a heart-sinking, anxiety-inducing moment that can leave us feeling helpless and unsure of what to say or do.

In the midst of our own shock and worry, it’s essential to remember that our teenager is likely feeling a mix of emotions – fear, shame, guilt, and uncertainty. They may be questioning their own actions, worrying about the consequences, and wondering what the future holds. As their parent, it’s crucial that we provide a safe, non-judgmental space for them to process their emotions and reflect on their actions.

So, what do you say to your teenager when they get in trouble with the law? Here are some strategies and phrases to guide you:

Avoid being too harsh or critical
It’s natural to feel angry or disappointed, but it’s essential to avoid being overly critical or harsh. This can exacerbate the situation and make your teenager more defensive or shut down. Instead, focus on expressing concern and disappointment in a calm, gentle tone.

I’m really disappointed in the choices you made, but I love you and I’m here to support you.

Listen actively and empathetically
Create a safe space for your teenager to open up and share their side of the story. Listen actively, maintaining eye contact, and ask open-ended questions to encourage them to reflect on their actions.

What was going through your mind when you made that decision?

Acknowledge their emotions
Validate your teenager’s feelings, acknowledging that they may be scared, worried, or ashamed. This helps them feel heard and understood.

I can imagine how scared and worried you must be feeling right now. That’s totally normal.

Focus on actions, not character
Help your teenager understand that their actions were wrong, but that doesn’t define their entire identity. Emphasize the importance of learning from their mistakes and making amends.

I know you made a bad choice, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Let’s work together to make it right.

Discuss consequences and accountability
It’s essential to discuss the potential consequences of their actions and the importance of taking responsibility. Encourage your teenager to think critically about their decisions and how they affect others.

Let’s talk about what could happen as a result of your actions. How do you think we can work together to make it right?

Explore the why behind the behavior
Often, teenagers engage in risky behavior due to underlying issues or peer pressure. Explore the reasons behind their actions, and work together to address any underlying concerns.

What were you thinking when you decided to do that? Was there something or someone that influenced your decision?

Offer guidance and support
As a parent, it’s your job to guide and support your teenager. Offer to help them develop strategies for making better choices in the future.

Let’s work together to find healthier ways to cope with stress or boredom. What do you think would help you make better choices?

Foster a growth mindset
Encourage your teenager to view their mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. Emphasize the importance of resilience and perseverance.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we learn and grow from them that matters. Let’s focus on moving forward and becoming better because of this experience.

Set clear boundaries and expectations
It’s crucial to establish clear expectations and boundaries for your teenager’s future behavior. Make sure they understand the consequences of future misbehavior.

Moving forward, I expect you to make better choices. Let’s set some clear expectations for your behavior and consequences for not meeting them.

Seek professional help when needed
If your teenager’s behavior persists or worsens, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support to help your teenager address underlying issues.

I think it would be helpful for us to talk to a therapist about what’s going on. It’s okay to ask for help sometimes.

In conclusion, as parents, we have a critical role to play in guiding our teenagers through the challenges they face, including getting in trouble with the law. By providing a safe, non-judgmental space for them to open up, listening actively, and offering guidance and support, we can help our teenagers learn from their mistakes, develop resilience, and grow into responsible, compassionate individuals. Remember, it’s not about being perfect parents, but about being present, engaged, and supportive every step of the way.

Be kind ❤