Handling the classic complaint from our little ones – My friends get to do it! – can be quite a challenge for many parents. It’s a phrase that may evoke feelings of frustration, guilt, and even helplessness. But, with the right strategies and responses, you can navigate these conversations effectively and teach your child valuable lessons about responsibility, empathy, and critical thinking.

First and foremost, it’s essential to remain calm and composed when faced with this argument. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember that your child is merely trying to assert their independence and fit in with their peers. Avoid getting defensive or dismissive, as this can escalate the situation and lead to further conflict.

Instead, try to acknowledge your child’s feelings and concerns. For instance:

I understand why you’d want to do what your friends are doing – it can be tough to feel left out.

Or:

I can see why you think it’s unfair that your friends get to do something and you don’t.

By acknowledging their emotions, you’re showing your child that you’re willing to listen and understand their perspective. This can help to diffuse the situation and create a more constructive conversation.

Now, it’s time to explore the reasons behind your decision. Be honest and transparent with your child, explaining the reasons why they can’t do something. For example:

I know your friends are allowed to stay out late, but our family has a curfew in place to ensure everyone’s safety.

Or:

I understand why you want to play that video game, but it’s not age-appropriate and has some inappropriate content.

Remember to use I statements instead of you statements, which can come across as accusatory. This helps to take ownership of the decision and avoids blame-shifting.

Another effective strategy is to encourage critical thinking and problem-solving. Ask your child questions that prompt them to consider different scenarios and perspectives. For instance:

What do you think would happen if everyone did what their friends are doing, without thinking about the consequences?

Or:

How do you think your friends’ parents would feel if they knew you were doing something they didn’t approve of?

By asking open-ended questions, you’re encouraging your child to think critically and develop empathy for others. This can help them understand that their friends’ parents may have different rules and expectations, just like they do.

Lastly, it’s crucial to offer alternative solutions or compromises. This shows your child that you’re willing to work together to find a solution that meets their needs while still maintaining your family’s values and rules. For example:

I know you can’t go to the party, but how about we plan a fun activity at home with some friends?

Or:

You can’t play that video game, but we can find a similar one that’s age-appropriate and fun to play together.

By responding in this way, you’re demonstrating that you’re open to finding alternative solutions that benefit everyone.

As you navigate these conversations, remember to be patient, consistent, and empathetic. Avoid giving in to tantrums or demands, as this can create a power struggle and undermine your authority as a parent.

In conclusion, responding to My friends get to do it! requires a thoughtful and nuanced approach. By acknowledging your child’s feelings, explaining your reasons, encouraging critical thinking, and offering alternative solutions, you can create a more constructive and respectful conversation. Remember, your goal is not to be a cool parent who gives in to every whim, but to raise a responsible, empathetic, and critically thinking individual who will thrive in life.

Be kind ❤