When someone tells you they’re not maternal or paternal, it can be a sensitive topic, especially if you’re discussing family planning or parenting styles. It’s essential to respond in a way that shows understanding, empathy, and support. Here are some strategies and example responses to help you navigate these conversations with care and sensitivity.

Avoid taking it personally

Remember that someone’s decision not to have children or feeling unmaternal/paternal is not a reflection of your own parenting style or choices. Keep the conversation focused on their feelings and experiences, rather than making it about yourself.

I understand that being a parent isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Can you tell me more about what makes you feel that way?

Validate their feelings

Acknowledge their emotions and show that you’re listening. Validation can help create a safe and non-judgmental space for the conversation.

That makes sense to me. It can be really tough to feel that maternal/paternal instinct, and it’s okay to acknowledge when it’s not there.

Ask open-ended questions

Encourage the person to share more about their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. This helps you better understand their perspective and shows that you’re interested in what they have to say.

What do you think is the main reason you don’t feel maternal/paternal? Is there something specific that makes you feel that way?

Share your own experiences (carefully)

If you have children or have experienced feelings of maternal/paternal instincts, you can share your own experiences. However, be cautious not to come across as comparing or trying to one-up the other person.

I understand where you’re coming from. When I first became a parent, I was surprised by the strong bond I felt with my child. But I also know that everyone’s experiences are different, and that’s what makes each person unique.

Don’t offer unsolicited advice

Refraim from offering advice or telling someone what they should do. This can come across as pushy or judgmental, which can derail the conversation.

Avoid saying something like: You just need to try harder, and you’ll feel that maternal/paternal instinct kick in.

Respect their decision

Ultimately, respect the person’s decision and choices regarding parenting or family planning. Avoid applying pressure or making them feel guilty for not feeling a certain way.

I respect your decision, and I appreciate your honesty. We can still have a great time together, regardless of our differing views on parenting.

Keep the conversation light

If the conversation starts to feel too heavy or intense, it’s okay to shift gears and change the subject. This can help maintain a positive and supportive tone.

Hey, speaking of something more fun, have you seen any good movies lately? I need some new recommendations.

Show empathy and understanding

Above all, remember to show empathy and understanding throughout the conversation. This sets the tone for a supportive and non-judgmental atmosphere.

That must be really tough for you to admit. I appreciate your honesty, and I’m here to listen and support you, no matter what.

Closing the conversation

When closing the conversation, reiterate your support and understanding. This leaves the other person feeling heard and valued.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Just remember, I’m here for you, and I respect your choices, no matter what.

In conclusion, responding to I’m not maternal/paternal requires empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen. By avoiding taking it personally, validating their feelings, and showing respect for their choices, you can create a supportive and non-judgmental space for meaningful conversations. Remember, everyone’s experiences and feelings are unique, and it’s essential to approach these conversations with kindness, compassion, and understanding.

Be kind ❤