Handling conversations about mental health can be tough, especially when others don’t quite understand what we’re going through. One of the most frustrating questions we might get asked is, Why can’t you just calm down? It’s like, if it were that easy, wouldn’t we have done it already?

When faced with this question, it’s essential to take a deep breath (ironically) and respond in a way that helps the other person understand our perspective. Here are some strategies and example sentences to help you reply:

Acknowledge their concern
Start by recognizing that the person asking the question is likely coming from a place of concern. Show them that you appreciate their interest in your well-being.

I know you’re trying to help, and I appreciate that. The thing is…

Explain the complexity of emotions
Help them understand that emotions aren’t as simple as flipping a switch. Explain that feelings like anxiety or frustration can be overwhelming and aren’t just a matter of calming down.

It’s not that easy for me to just calm down. When I’m feeling anxious, my mind is racing with thoughts, and my body is responding with physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating.

Share your experience
Open up about what you’re going through and how it affects you. This can help the other person understand that your emotions are legitimate and not just a matter of being too sensitive.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with work/school responsibilities, and it’s hard for me to shut off my brain at night. It’s like my mind is constantly racing, making it hard to relax.

Educate them about mental health
Take this opportunity to teach the person about mental health basics. You might say something like:

Did you know that anxiety is a common mental health condition that affects millions of people? It’s not just about being stressed, it’s a legitimate condition that requires treatment and support.

Set boundaries
If the person continues to push the idea that you can simply calm down, it’s essential to set boundaries. Let them know that their words, although well-intentioned, can be hurtful.

I understand where you’re coming from, but saying ‘just calm down’ can feel dismissive of my feelings. It’s not that simple, and I need your support in understanding that.

Offer alternatives
Instead of just telling the person what they’re doing wrong, suggest ways they can help. This can be a great opportunity to educate them on how to support someone with mental health issues.

What would really help me right now is if you could listen to me without judgment. Sometimes, just talking through my feelings helps me process them better.

Here are some more example sentences to help you respond:

I’m trying my best to manage my anxiety, but it’s not something I can just ‘snap out of.’

It’s like you’re asking me to stop being human. I have emotions, and they’re valid.

Can we talk about something else? I’m not really in the mood to discuss this right now.

I appreciate your concern, but I need some space right now to deal with this on my own.

Let’s find a therapist or counselor who can help me work through these feelings together.

It’s not about being ‘strong’ or ‘weak’, it’s about being human and needing support sometimes.

Remember, responding to questions like Why can’t you just calm down? is not about being confrontational or defensive. It’s about educating others, advocating for yourself, and promoting greater understanding of mental health issues.

In conclusion, when faced with this question, take a deep breath, count to ten, and respond with empathy and patience. By setting boundaries, educating others, and seeking support, we can create a more compassionate and understanding environment for everyone.

Be kind ❤