When someone tells you to toughen up, it can be infuriating, invalidating, and unhelpful. This phrase is often used to silence people, especially those who are already vulnerable, and dismiss their emotional experiences. However, instead of letting it get to you, you can learn how to react in a way that assertively communicates your needs and boundaries.

Responding with Empathy and Boundary-Setting

When they say toughen up, you can say, I understand you’re trying to help, but telling me to toughen up feels dismissive of my feelings. Can we find a way to address this together?

Alternatively, you could say, I appreciate your concern, but ‘toughening up’ isn’t a solution for me. What I need is someone to listen and offer support during this tough time.

Redirecting the Conversation

You can redirect the conversation by saying, Let’s focus on finding ways to manage my stress/anxiety/emotions instead of trying to ‘toughen up.’ What do you think we could do to tackle this together?

Or, Instead of ‘toughening up,’ can we brainstorm ways to break down this problem into smaller, manageable parts?

Assertively Communicating Your Needs

You can assertively communicate your needs by saying, I need someone to listen to me and validate my emotions right now. Can you do that for me?

Or, I need some time to process this. Can we talk about it later when I’m feeling calmer?

Setting Boundaries

If the person continues to dismiss your emotions, you can set boundaries by saying, I understand we have different opinions, but I need to prioritize my own emotional well-being. Let’s agree to disagree and focus on finding ways to support me.

Alternatively, you could say, I appreciate your input, but I need some space to deal with this on my own. Can we take a break from discussing this topic for now?

Seeking Support

Remember, you don’t have to face this situation alone. You can say, I’m feeling overwhelmed by this conversation. Can I talk to someone else who might be able to offer more support?

Or, I need some professional help to deal with these emotions. Can you help me find a therapist or counselor?

Conclusion

When someone tells you to toughen up, remember that it’s not about being weak or strong; it’s about being human. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being, set boundaries, and seek support when needed. By responding assertively, empathetically, and with boundary-setting, you can take back control of the conversation and focus on finding solutions that work for you.

Remember, taking care of your mental health is not about being tough or weak; it’s about being brave enough to face your emotions and take action to improve your well-being.

Be kind ❤