What to say when they say “You’re not being true to yourself”

When someone tells you that you’re not being true to yourself, it can be a challenging and emotional conversation to navigate. This comment can strike a chord, making you question your identity, values, and goals. However, it’s essential to approach this conversation with empathy, active listening, and effective communication strategies to resolve the issue and grow from the experience.

Firstly, it’s crucial to acknowledge the other person’s concern and show that you’re open to feedback. You can respond by saying:

I appreciate your honesty, and I’m willing to listen to your perspective. Can you tell me more about what specifically made you feel like I’m not being true to myself?

This response shows that you value their insight and are willing to engage in a constructive conversation.

Next, it’s essential to understand the underlying concerns and emotions behind their statement. Ask clarifying questions like:

What do you think is driving my choices that might not align with who I am?


Can you share an instance where you felt I compromised my values or goals?

By asking open-ended questions, you encourage the other person to share their thoughts, which can help you gain a deeper understanding of their concerns.

When expressing your thoughts and feelings, use I statements to take ownership of your emotions and experiences. For example:

I feel like I’ve been struggling to balance my personal and professional life, and I’m still figuring out what being true to myself means in this context.


I understand what you mean, but I feel like I’m trying to explore new opportunities and challenge myself, even if it means taking calculated risks.

This approach helps to avoid blame or defensiveness and allows you to express your perspective without becoming confrontational.

It’s also important to acknowledge the other person’s right to their opinion, even if you disagree. You can say:

I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate your concern. However, I feel like I’m making choices that align with my values and goals.


I respect your perspective, and I’ll take it into consideration as I continue to grow and learn.

By acknowledging their opinion, you show that you value their insight and are willing to consider their point of view.

In some cases, you might need to explain your reasoning or thought process behind certain decisions. Be prepared to provide specific examples or explanations, such as:

I’ve been feeling stuck in my career, and I want to explore new opportunities. I’m taking Calculated risks to challenge myself and find a better fit.


I’ve been prioritizing my mental health and taking time for self-care. This might look different from my usual self, but it’s essential for my well-being.

Remember to stay calm, composed, and empathetic throughout the conversation. Avoid becoming defensive or dismissive, as this can escalate the situation.

In conclusion, when someone says you’re not being true to yourself, it’s essential to stay open, empathetic, and communicative. By asking questions, expressing your thoughts and feelings, and acknowledging the other person’s concerns, you can turn this conversation into an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. Remember, being true to yourself is a continuous journey, and embracing constructive feedback can help you become a more authentic, confident, and fulfilled individual.

Be kind ❤

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