How to respond to “Why do you never initiate conversations?” when you’re just not feeling chatty

Handling conversations can be challenging, especially when it comes to texting. You’re sitting there, staring at your phone, trying to come up with the perfect response to a question that can make you feel guilty and defensive. In this case, we’re going to tackle the dreaded Why do you never initiate conversations? message.

The thing is, sometimes people just aren’t feeling chatty. It doesn’t mean they’re not interested in talking to you; they might just be going through a busy or stressful period. The key is to respond in a way that acknowledges their concern without making them feel like they’re being ignored or dismissed.

Here are some strategies and example responses to help you find the right words to say:

Acknowledge their concern

Let the other person know that you value your connection and you’re not ignoring them. You can say something like:

I’ve been thinking about you too and I’m sorry I haven’t reached out lately. I’ve been super busy with work/family stuff, but I’m happy to catch up now.


I know I haven’t been the best at initiating conversations lately, and I apologize if it seemed like I wasn’t interested in talking to you. That’s not the case!

Explain, but don’t make excuses

It’s okay to explain why you haven’t been initiating conversations, but be careful not to make excuses. You want to show that you’re taking responsibility for your actions (or lack thereof). For example:

I’ve been going through a tough time lately and I haven’t had the energy to reach out to anyone. I know it’s no excuse, but I’m working on getting back into the swing of things.


I’ve been dealing with some personal stuff and it’s been hard for me to muster up the energy to chat. I know it’s not fair to you, and I promise to do better.

Turn the conversation around

Instead of dwelling on why you haven’t been initiating conversations, try to turn the conversation around and ask the other person about themselves. This shows that you’re interested in them and willing to listen. For instance:

How have you been doing lately? I feel like I’ve been so caught up in my own stuff that I haven’t had a chance to ask about you.


What’s new with you? I want to hear about what’s been going on in your life.

Offer a solution

If you’re feeling guilty about not initiating conversations, offer a solution to make it up to the other person. This could be as simple as:

Let’s schedule a regular check-in so we can catch up regularly. That way, we can make sure to talk more often.


How about we plan a call/video chat for this week? I want to make sure we have a chance to talk and catch up properly.

Be honest and authentic

Ultimately, the most important thing is to be honest and authentic in your response. Don’t try to sugarcoat or make excuses. Instead, own up to your actions (or lack thereof) and express your willingness to do better. For example:

I know I haven’t been the best at keeping in touch, and that’s on me. I promise to do better and make more of an effort to reach out regularly.


I’ve been struggling to find the motivation to chat lately, but I know that’s no excuse. I’m going to make a conscious effort to do better and prioritize our conversations.

Remember, responding to Why do you never initiate conversations? isn’t about making excuses or justifying your lack of effort. It’s about being honest, taking responsibility, and showing that you value the other person and the connection you share.

So, the next time you receive this message, take a deep breath, be honest, and respond in a way that shows you care. Your relationships will thank you for it.

Be kind ❤

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